I was talking to a friend and even through a text message my friend could tell that something was bothering me. I went on to tell how I felt trapped by my circumstances. Some might call what I am experiencing a quarterlife crisis. Circumstances surrounding the incompletion of my higher education have me living at home, working two part-time jobs, and wishing that things could have just been different. What do I want from my life? I want the success that I can see is on the horizon; and, I want it now. I want to move out. I want the life that other people younger than me have. I know I shouldn’t compare my journey to anyone else’s, but I am so so so so so so tired. Mediocrity is exhausting. Then, my friend asked me how I was going to get what I want. My answer: I don’t know.
Every day I’m reminded of how much I want my life to be different. Every time I get on the bus, watching the unwed pregnant teenagers, having to drown out the derogatory tunes emanating from the iPod 5 feet away from me, dodging the smokers’ spit puddles, I say I can’t do this anymore. Then, I wake up and do it all over again the next day. We all know the definition of insanity, right? That’s it. That’s what it is. I’m insane. I must be to want something better for myself, to be able to see it, and to not be trying ridiculously hard every day to achieve it. What is wrong with me? Then, I wondered, “Am I really ready to receive all that I want? Am I really ready for success?”
Stay tuned for the next post in this series on how I started moving towards getting what I want.
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Take it from one who faced the same issues and remained mired in lifelong mediocrity…it never gets better. With all my heart, I wish I had set my sights on a brass ring and let nothing stop me until I grabbed it. Instead, I saw hundreds of brass rings glittering in the darkness and had no idea how to reach out for only one. I lacked focus and clarity and it led to a complete waste of talent. Don’t let it happen to you.
It can be damn hard to make your own path when nothing seems to be pointing the way. And damn hard to realize you were heading down the wrong path, and have to blaze a new one when you’re not sure you can still trust your gut.
I’ve done it both ways… allowed myself to be led, and started down my own path. Both are equally difficult in their own ways, but the one thing they have in common is that everything is a learning experience. Everything. No matter how pointless it seems at the time.
I think you’re learning right now what it will take for you not to settle. You may reach a point where you think you shouldn’t have rocked the boat (I did), and you’ll look back and remember how miserable you were, thinking anything had to be better, and you realize at least you tried… and you’re still trying. And that will take the edge off, and eventually you’ll get where you’re going.
And you’ll have friends standing by you along the way! That counts for so much more than anyone realizes, I think!
It can be discouraging to feel like your life is not where you want it to be. But I do agree with Christa above, that friends and family are the point at which you can find both inspiration and assistance.
I think there is a fine line between persistence and insanity. Because you can continue doing something over and over again, once you have direction and set a goal for yourself. I mean, no one calls a basketball player crazy, for shooting 100 free throws a day, because we see the goal this repetition is supposed to accomplish.
Your daily struggle is a means to an end, and once you find your inspiration, what may seem insane, may turn into you persisting beyond your circumstances.
I heard somewhere that it is hard to know what success truly is, if you have never experienced failure.
You are not failing or a failure by any means. But if you know you are not where you want to be, when you finally get to where you want to go, it will be so much sweeter put into perspective.
You already impact so many people’s lives with your own insight, writing, and sharing. I see your drive and ability and capacity for success in that alone. So I have faith you will be moving toward your idea of success sooner and faster than you think.
Sorry for this blog within a blog lol