He said they were just friends, but deep down I knew better.

He said they were just friends, but deep down I knew better.

Sometimes, years later, I wonder why I wasn’t good enough. Even as I type those words, though, I realize I need to be more than just good enough. It hurts. I hurt. My skin hurts. My hands are heavy. My face is streaked with tears.

Mostly I just wonder why and how I felt so strongly for someone whose feelings for me were seemingly non-existent. I let him hurt me. I believed his lies. The pain I feel – this heartbroken sadness – is my fault. For the past two years I’ve sat silently recovering, using music to heal me. Trying to trick myself into thinking I’d moved on, I pushed forward with professional pursuits, suppressing real emotion. The memory couldn’t hurt me if I didn’t allow myself to feel.

We weren’t right for each other. Why did that truth bother me? Because I allowed myself to believe we were. I allowed myself to believe in love. I don’t know if I was listening to my heart or the echoing words in my head, but I was never more sorry that I said, “I love you” to anyone. Whatever part of me it was that guided me to believe I was in love was wrong. Epically wrong.

Ever since I found out the news – on my own because he wasn’t man enough to tell me directly – (I might still be a little bit bitter) I closed up my heart. I opted not to feel. Why should I? Feeling leads to heartbreak. Tonight, though, two years later, the thoughts and feelings and emotions are all coming back to me and it’s taking everything in my power not to ball myself up into the fetal position, turn off the lights, and not do a thing for anyone until the pain subsides. What hurts the most is that he doesn’t care that he hurt me – twice.

 

I believed in you twice; and, you hurt me both times.

 

What is clear is that I shouldn’t have feelings for someone who has the capacity to treat me that way. There was no way for me to know tha…well, maybe there were signs, and I just missed them. I did excuse plenty of bad behavior. So, I’m back to my previous statement. It’s my fault. The question is: How do I make sure I don’t make the same mistake again?

What’s the ROI on that Degree Now?

The following is a guest post by Liz Funk (bio below)

We’ve all felt buyer’s remorse.  That lime green sundress that looked great in the fitting room looks putrid in the natural light.  You decide to splurge on a dinner out, ordering an $18 entrée. When you finally eat it, it’s good, but not $18-good.  You buy a bag of clearance clothes from the Gap, get home and deeply resent spending $60 on non-refundable clothes.  It happens to everyone, every now and then, and you move on, because hopefully your buyer’s remorse isn’t on items worth more than a few hours’ pay.

But, what if you have buyer’s remorse for a major investment you made that will take years of income to pay off? And, without the resources to pay off such an investment, it seems like it was a terrible idea?

The “crap economy” and the devastating impact that the 2008 economic crash has had on young people has caused widespread unemployment among 20somethings.  Because young people don’t have jobs, a) many young people don’t have the money to repay their student loans, and b) many young people are wondering why they went to college in the first place, if they’re unemployed!

While some “quarterlifers” miss college and want to go back to a simpler time, others are thoroughly resenting their college experience.  Here’s how to reconcile this:

How to find value in your degree

1) First and foremost, be nice to yourself.  Before 2006, there were relatively few people who had an idea that the economy was going to go so far downhill, and odds are good that you weren’t one of them.  There’s nothing you can do to change the fact that you did go to college (i.e. a time machine), so be compassionate and nice to yourself and don’t beat yourself up.

2) Write down everything positive that you got out of college, whether it was a few really good friends who you still keep in touch with, some awesome memories (write each of them down!), or classes where you read some life-changing books.

3) Be critical of the system.  There is definitely something messed up in that our society encourages entering college seniors to take out loans to go to the best college they were accepted to, but many take out a Range Rover’s worth of student loans, picking majors that will not help them pay off these loans.  This isn’t to say that you should major in engineering if you aren’t interested in it. Rather, we should encourage students to consider alternate paths. Rather than rushing from high school straight into college, students should consider taking a gap year or two to work, travel, or intern so they have a stronger sense of what they might want to do professionally.  Then, if they do take out student loans, they’ll be investing in an education that will help them pursue their passions, rather than going to college because that’s what you’re supposed to do, without much of an endpoint short of graduating.  On that note, give yourself a break from job hunting, worrying, and stressing.  This will ensure that you have some mental and emotional energy to brainstorm both where you want to go from here and how you can tap into what you learned in college to help you carve out a career!

But, overall, be nice to yourself because you can only move forward to a place that’s more positive if you’re really rooting and advocating for yourself!

 

Your turn! How do you come into your own when the first years of your adult life are marked by joblessness, instability, angst, and incessant money problems?

 

Coming of Age in a Crap Economy is the brainchild of Liz Funk, a New York-based freelance writer, author, and college lecturer. Liz has written for USA Today, Newsday, the Washington Post, New York magazine, the Christian Science Monitor, CosmoGIRL!, Girls’ Life, the Baltimore Sun, the New Jersey Record, the Albany Times Union, Lemondrop.com (AOL), and the New Humanist (UK). She is the author of Supergirls Speak Out: Inside the Secret Crisis of Overachieving Girls, a non-fiction look at how today’s young women feel that they must be constantly improving themselves if they want to be loved. She regularly speaks at colleges about how young women can overcome perfectionism and about breaking into journalism/publishing, and she has been a guest lecturer at Columbia University, Cornell University, Duke University, New York University, Boston University, Emerson College, Rice University, Whitman College, the University of Iowa, the University of Missouri, Mississippi State University, the University of South Florida, and Penn State University, among many other colleges.

She graduated from college in 2009 with high honors in English literature and has yet to be extended a single full-time job offer. She lives in upstate New York with her collie, Buddy (who she’s pretty sure has figured out the meaning of life), and her parents, of course.

#GenYChat 6/15/11: @CoachJennie Discusses Living Audaciously

“Who would have thought the kids would start taking over so soon? Or that they would even want to? They were supposed to be slackers, cynics, drifters. But don’t be fooled by their famous pose of repose. Lately, more and more of them are prowling tirelessly for the better deal, hunting down opportunities that will free them from the career imprisonment that confined their parents. They are flocking to technology start-ups, founding small businesses and even taking up causes–all in their own way. They are making waves on the Web, making movies in and out of Hollywood, making money, spending money.”

Read more

 

The article goes on to say: “Slapped with the label Generation X, they’ve turned the tag into a badge of honor. They are X-citing, X-igent, X-pansive. They’re the next big thing. Boomers, beware! It’s payback time.”

Read more

Thought that was about Generation Y, didn’t you? Stepping back into the archives of Time magazine will show that each generation is described in much the same way. Each generation is lazier than those prior; each generation is more dedicated to living the lives their parents didn’t live; and, each generation is wont to cast off the stereotypes put on them by previous generations.

The proliferation of these stereotypes causes the eye-rolling, the *sighs*, and the “get off my lawn” mentality that prevent healthy communication. When we are trying to determine who we will become in life, the people we should speak with are those that have been there. Jennie Mustafa-Julock (@CoachJennie on Twitter) understands how healthy communication can spur ambition. The Audacity Coach, Jennie helps people who “…know what [they] want, but this ain’t it.”

 

Jennie, often a participant, will be serving as guest host in tonight’s #GenYChat. We will discuss the following questions:

Q1. What do you want to be when you “grow up”? Is that what you do now? #genychat

Q2. What’s your top-secret/so-not-telling/seriously-don’t-make-me-say-it AUDACIOUS DREAM? #genychat

Q3. Is having an AUDACIOUS DREAM an example of #GenY entitlement? If so, is that okay? #genychat

Q4. If money/time/family pressure/gravitational forces were NO object, how would you achieve your DREAM? #genychat

Q5. If your friends or family provide support along the way, do they get a say in your choices? Why or why not? #genychat

Q6. What excuses do people make that sabotage their DREAMS? #genychat

Q7. Which is scarier: Fear of Success or Fear of Failure? Why? #genychat

Q8. How do you push through the procrastination + fear to actualize your DREAM? #genychat

Q9. How can you show that you are ready + willing to do whatever-it-takes to achieve your dream? #genychat

 

How to Participate in #GenYChat on Twitter

If you haven’t participated in the chat before, but have insights to share, please do the following to participate:

If using Twitter.com:

  1. Type “#genychat” into the search field
  2. Reply and ReTweet but add “#genychat” onto your tweets in order for everyone participating to see your tweets

If using TweetChat:

  1. Sign in through OAuth. (note: Please read this information about using  OAuth to give third party applications access to your account)
  2. Type “genychat” into the search field (The “#” is already provided)
  3. Click Go
  4. Reply and ReTweet. TweetChat puts the hashtag in for you so you don’t have to

If using TweetDeck:

  1. Click the + symbol to add a column
  2. Type “#genychat” into the search field. A column will appear as the last column in your TweetDeck
  3. Using the left arrow button, move it next to your Mentions column to better see and respond to your replies while in the chat
  4. Click the Settings button
  5. Click on the Twitter tab
  6. Click on Auto include hashtags when replying
  7. Click Save settings
  8. Reply and ReTweet. TweetDeck puts the hashtag in for you so you don’t have to. (Note: You still have to add “#genychat” onto your own tweets in order for everyone participating to see your tweets)

 

#GenYChat begins at 9pm ET! Get in early for introductions and mingling. See you there!

Addicted to Failure. How Can We Change Our Narrative?

Ted Williams Change We Can Believe In
When was the first time you finally got something you wanted? After days, months, or years of trying to understand something, make it work, or get what you feel you’ve been working towards, you actually got it? Were you petrified? Waiting for the oft stated “other shoe to drop”?

As anyone who reads this blog knows, I often tie in clips from movies or television. I still can’t answer the question of whether art imitates life or life imitates art, but it is interesting when film or television reminds us of life experiences. It is what makes us to relate to them and connect to them.

Of course I’m reminded of a scene from both a television show and a movie this time.

In this scene from Sex and the City Charlotte is finally with a man in a loving relationship after, as she states in a previous episode, searching for one since she was 15. She was told previously that she had almost no chance of becoming pregnant. Then, she receives a call from her doctor and finds out that she is.

Later, in the Sex and the City movie, Charlotte finds out that she is pregnant again and is scared to do anything that might threaten the pregnancy. She becomes less like herself. She stops running.

In television and film we root for the underdog because we long for success in our own lives. We want to see people leap beyond their past obstacles and onto the other side of the wall. We love it even more if they help people along the way. In the case of Ted Williams, the man with the golden voice, the public has latched onto him for his story of recovery. On the Today Show, he was asked if he would be able to handle this sudden success. In the short time that he’s seen his dreams come true, Williams found himself reverting to old behavior. Reports say he has entered rehab to adjust to the new life he wants to lead, but commentary from guests on this morning’s Today Show gave me pause.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

At 5:50 in, the discussion turns to an analysis of what happens when success comes to someone who has known only failure for so long, and the following was said:

Addicts relapse when things are going well for them, afraid of failing or being found out a fraud, not comfortable with success, comfortable with chaos and things falling apart. Success can trigger a relapse.

So, I ask myself and you all reading this, what do you do when life finally hands you what you say you’ve been wanting? How do you become emotionally ready to accept that success you’ve seen others accept with ease? How do you stop yourself from thinking it won’t last? For someone whose narrative has become I can’t, I won’t, and I don’t, when does the expectation of a different narrative come? When does “Yes, I can” become an internalized belief?

Enough Already: Controlling My Own Clutter

Taking time for myself makes me feel like I’m being lazy.

With so many GenY critics blasting my generation for being lazy, it’s a label I strive to avoid.

A couple months ago I started asking friends to hold onto their cardboard boxes. I intended to use these boxes to finally organize my room. I still haven’t done it.

I have clutter. Worse, I have memory clutter. [Read more...]

OWN – The Oprah Winfrey Network Will Not be a Ratings Failure

Peter Lauria made a prediction about the success of Oprah Winfrey’s OWN Network.

OWN: The Oprah Winfrey Network will be a ratings failure.

As powerful and beloved as Oprah Winfrey is, one person does not a network make—unless you are Keith Olbermann and MSNBC, but that’s another story altogether. Already there’s been a lot of attention surrounding the Jan. 1 launch of OWN, most of it related to the managerial, financial, and programming problems that have beset the network since its conception in 2007. It’s easy for people to “live their best life,” as Oprah’s motto goes, an hour a day, or even on their own time when they can read O magazine, but no one has the stamina to be their best selves 24 hours a day, seven days a week. And Oprah and Discovery Communications, the talk show host’s partner in the network, didn’t launch OWN for it to be a mid-tier cable channel. They want it to be B-I-G. It won’t be. Despite launching in 85 million homes, the widest distribution ever for a cable network debut, Caris & Company Analyst David Miller expects OWN to lose $25 million this year and not reach breakeven until mid-2013. On the ratings front, our bet is that OWN won’t be a top 30-rated cable network at year’s end.

I couldn’t be more disappointed to read this right now. While many detractors will ask why a new year has to bring on new changes, many see a new year as an opportunity to shed the failures of the previous year and move on to success. A new year is akin to starting back at one. It’s not just a new month. It’s a new month in a new year where you get to set the course for meaningful change. If nothing else, think of a new year as a placebo that makes you act like you’re healed. I stand firm in my belief that this year will bring more changes to our global culture than we could ever imagine.

Few motivational quotes and feel-good trite statements about my power within actually get me to take action to improve my life. It’s for this reason that I am ridiculously excited for this network and its shows. Viewers will have an opportunity to learn from others who have been where we are. We will get 24 hour access to stories about how we can get there from here.

There has been a pall over television for some time now. Scripted and unscripted Reality TV has dominated our culture, but very few shows have represented my reality. Television executives are doing a disservice to those of us who still believe in the power of people. As her shows evolved, Oprah Winfrey represented someone who believed in positivity and had the power to make it happen. The OWN network is her step forward and the legacy she will leave on us.

It is time to move on from programming geared toward our animal instincts. The OWN network will fail because no one has the stamina to be their best self all day, every day?? I hurt for you and your jaded disbelief in the human ability to reach into ourselves and be the good people that we are innately. The years between 2001-2010 turned me into the worst version of myself. I lost faith in people. I stopped believing in love. I disconnected from all emotion because it hurt too much.

I hope young people will watch OWN because, like #genychat, we will be able to learn from the generations that came before us. Besides, almost all of the programming that is geared towards our age group belittles our generation. The most popular shows don’t speak to our ability to be better people. They don’t teach us about saving money, or show people struggling in their college courses. They show people partying, being disrespectful, fighting, drinking, and having anonymous sex. I am sick of the whole genre.

You can find the OWN network channel using the Channel Finder.

In 2011 I will make changes every day, all day to be the best version of myself again. The next ten years of my life will be better because I’ve decided to own my life and take it where it’s supposed to go.

If You Really Knew Me is one of the amazing shows that, if MTV keeps it on the air, has the potential to change even more lives.

Like a reality version of The Breakfast Club, each episode of If You Really Knew Me takes place at a different high school, and follows five students from different cliques as they go through the life-changing experience of Challenge Day, a one-day program that breaks down the walls between cliques, and completely changes the way students view their school and each other. Watch the amazing transformation each week as new students open up for the first time and try to change by revealing who they really are, behind the cliques and the labels. Is it possible to change your life, and maybe even your high school, in one day? These students are going to find out… on If You Really Knew Me.

Adult Internships

Why are adult internships so much more difficult to find?

I thought someone would have bought the domain for adultinternships.com by now. Especially in this economy, it just seems like a good idea. The phrase “adult internships”, however, gets 210 global monthly searches according to Google AdWords. This is a topic that is clearly not on the minds of many across the world. The phrase “paid summer internships for college students” gets 380 more searches per month. If an internship is considered the springboard to a successful career, why are so many leaving it only to college students? [Read more...]

My Strategic Vision Plan

We often see these questions spread around in email chain letters or Facebook notes. I thought I’d take some time to answer them with serious consideration of my future goals.

a. Where do you see yourself in ten years? What do you look like?
Where are you living?
b. Where will you be, financially, in terms of your goals? Will you be
rich, or just debt-free?
c. How well off will you be in terms of material possessions (house,
car, investments)?
d. What concrete things (awards, books, degrees) will you have to show
your progress? [Read more...]

Switching Careers before 30 – Am I Crazy??

Tony Hsieh Zappos CEO uses Happiness as business model

It’s the last day of September. 1 o’clock in the morning. It’s raining. A few tears are rolling hotly down my cheeks as I contemplate a thought that has been taking up space in my mind lately. I keep asking myself if I’m crazy to have this dream. Staring at the blinking cursor, I drift off and let the thoughts form in my mind.

2moroDocs: If u r truly unhappy in ur career, you must try to change it. Life 2 short. Maybe take classes & slowly work into it, or leap #genychat

rblake: @Austin_Curtis I’m not – it’s just hard to find a job that matches passion. Especially with limited experience. #genychat [Read more...]

I Didn’t Join Twitter for This (Or What Could Kill Twitter’s Popularity)

I’m writing this with much apprehension. I’m sitting here dumbfounded and disappointed. Only one other time in my life have I found myself at such a loss for words that I can’t even determine how to complete this statement in a manner that concisely summarizes my thoughts. Where are we as a human race that we cannot look to our left and look to our right and help us all make it out? I used to believe that we were all good at heart. I thought that somewhere along the way unfortunate experiences turned us bad. I hope this is still true. If you really knew me, you’d know that I hold a lot in because expressing my feelings and sharing my thoughts with the goal of helping people always resulted in me being hurt because the person didn’t want to be helped, hence the reason for my apprehension in writing this piece. Many events have occurred on Twitter in the past month that led to me writing this. There is no one event that sparked it, but they all need to come to resolution. [Read more...]

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